YOU
KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Illinoisian WHEN:
Vacation means
going north or south on I-55 or I-57 for the weekend. 2. You
measure distance in hours.
3. You know
several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often
switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You can
drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing camouflage
at social events (including weddings).
7. You install
security lights on your house and garage and leave
both unlocked.
x 540
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.
9. You design
your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is
better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow.
11. You know all
5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road
construction, and It's Hot.
12. Your idea
of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
13. Down south
means Missouri to you.
14. A brat is something you eat. 15. Your neighbor throws a party
to celebrate his new pole shed. 16. You go out to a tailgate party
every Friday.
You have more
miles on your snow blower than your car.
18. You find 0
degrees a "little chilly."
19. You
actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
Illinois friends. (What's not to understand?)
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* *
The
Old Man... submitted by Nick Grumbos
As I
came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries
towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady
sitting inside the car, with the door open...
The old
man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my car and
continued to watch the old gentleman from about 25 feet away.
I saw a
young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm, walking
towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a
few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood
and say something.
The
young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac
Escalade and then turn back to the old man and I heard him yell at the
old gentleman saying, 'You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at
your age.' And then with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and
peeled rubber out of the parking lot.
I
saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief and mop his brow as he
went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his
wife and spoke with her and appeared to tell her it would be okay. I had
seen enough and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood
straight and as I got near him I said, 'Looks like you're having a
problem.'
He
smiled sheepishly and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood
myself and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me. Looking
around I saw a gas station up the road and told the old man that I would
be right back. I drove to
the station and went inside and saw three attendants working on cars. I
approached one of them and related the problem the old man had with his
car and offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help
him.
The old man had pushed the heavy
car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife.
When he saw us, he straightened up and thanked me for my help. As the
mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine) I spoke with the old
gentleman.
When I
shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and
had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine too. I
nodded and asked the usual question, 'What outfit did you serve with?'
He had
mentioned that he served with the first Marine Division at Tarawa,
Saipan, Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal. He had hit all the big ones and
retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked we heard the
car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over
to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me and I
told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card.
He
still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his
name and address on it and I stuck it in my pocket. We all shook hands
all around again and I said my goodbye's to his wife.. I then told the
two mechanics that I would follow them back up to the station. Once at
the station I told them that they had interrupted their own jobs to come
along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for the help,
but they refused to charge me.
One of
them pulled out a card from his pocket looking exactly like the card the
old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then, that they were
Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around and as I was
leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had
given to me. I said I would and drove off.
For
some reason I had gone about two blocks when I pulled over and took the
card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name
of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under his name
'Congressional Medal of Honor Society.'
I sat
there motionless looking at the card and reading it over and over.
I
looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled
that on this day, four Marines had all come together, because one of us
needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood
next to greatness and courage and an honor to have been in his presence.
Remember, OLD men like him gave you FREEDOM for America . Thanks to
those who served and those who supported them.
America
is not at war.
The U.S. .. Military
is at war. America is at the Mall.
If you
don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of
them!
Remember, Freedom isn't "Free" -- thousands have paid the price so you
can enjoy what you have today!
From the “Orange Peel Gazette,
submitted by George
Sevenberg.
‘Deep in the hills’
An old man and his wife lived deep in the
hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his
goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to but something.
“Well, my wife ain’t home” said the man.
“She’s gone down to the creek to wash clothes, but lemme see what you
got.”
The peddler showed him pots and pans,
tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn’t interested.
Then the man spotted a mirror and
said,”What’s that?” Before the peddler could tell him it was a mirror,
the old man picked it up and said, “My God! How’d you get a picture of
my pappy?”
The old man was so happy he traded his
wife’s best pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back
and spoiled his sale.
The old man was worried that the wife
would be mad at him for trading her best pitcher, so he hid the mirror
in the barn behind some boxes of junk.
He would go out to the barn 2 or 3 times
a day to look at the “picture” and eventually the wife got suspicious.
One day she got fed up and after he
retired for the night, she went out to the barn. She saw the mirror
behind the boxes, picked it up and said,”so this is the hussy he’s been
foolin’ around with!
Signs that old age may be creeping up on
you (George Burns)
When you like to be in crowds because the
keep you from falling down.
When your only party of the last year was
to celebrate the twelve rerun of your seven year itch.
When the parts that have arthritis are
the parts where you feel best.
When your favorite section of the
newspaper is “25 years ago today”.
When a big evening with your friends is
setting around comparing living wills.
When your knees buckle, but your belt
won’t.
When your clothes go into the overnight
bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.
* *
* *
I'm settled here in Montana looking at the third season
away from reenacting. I think it's time to retire, and be a CSN Squid if the
need arises for a Ball or other dress occasion. But I have all this
stuff. Two complete uniforms, leathers, equipment and weapons for infantry
and dismounted Cav. Tents and furniture for the wealthiest Virginia farmer,
including all metal accessories such as fire pit equipment, lanterns, tables
and so forth. I suspect Kathy may have clothing as well, but would have to
ask her first. Sale as a single lot of stuff??? Weapons separate
from clothing, separate from camp setup? I will make a detailed list of what
I have if someone is interested. If someone was interested in coming out
here, we also have wooden poles, and can provide a place to stay for a few
days. It's an easy three day drive from Chicago. I-90 West to Hwy 93. Turn
right and go 65 miles to my house. Well, let me know your thoughts, no hurry
on my end. Richard Beauchamp <cwo4cno7325@yahoo.com>
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